Swings With Roundabouts

© All rights reserved to Ailish Wilmont 2018  What to wear to my own funeral?  So many things started happening to me since I gave birth to my second baby near the end of 2017. But if I thought that was bad I had no idea about what was to come next.  In 2014 I had thought about taking my own life, even tried. I sat at half way point with my legs dangling over a cliff thinking about how peaceful it felt and watching the sun sink down into the sea I just wanted that to be me. I was crying. I couldn’t stop and everything that meant anything to me just didn’t matter anymore. I looked down into the sea and I wished it would swallow me up and take me away. Leave no trace of me behind. As if I had just vanished.  My phone kept ringing repeatedly. Why did I bring my phone? It was my dad asking me to come home. Please come home Ailish please we need to talk to you. I didn’t answer for the first while but in my head I...

© All rights reserved to Ailish Wilmont 2018 Since my last post I’ve had a lot of really nice messages from people giving me courage and reassurance. I just want to thank you all for that and sorry I can’t reply to everyone but it’s because sometimes I just don’t really have anything to say back to you because I don’t know how to accept the kindness? A lot of people have asked me though what does my psychosis mean? How am I affected by it so I thought I would write something explaining what it does to me. It’s difficult for me to explain and talk about this rationally in person due to my head being all over the place but it does help me writing down my thoughts and feelings. It gives me some clarity and allows me to express properly what is going on in my head. And that’s why I’m doing it it’s not that I want to spread my business but I feel strongly about this so I’m gonna talk about it. So.. I’ll explain how my psychosis affects me and this won’t be the same for every...

© All rights reserves to Ailish Wilmont 2018 A few words before my next post.. Due to some negative words about my first couple of blog posts I felt quite disheartened which has led to the pause between this one and the last. But after some thought I realised that negativity was exactly the reason that I had started to write these posts in the first place. I also thought about all the really positive and kind words I have got from other people and how people have opened up to me since about their own experiences and I felt a real sense of pride because if by me letting you know that what we are going through is okay then the job is done, and if it changes one persons view on someone who they just can’t understand then even better. So Thank You. I have also learnt that even though I am now able to write about what I have gone through it has not completely gone away, there is still things I struggle with or I am not able to do at all but I am still learning. I don’t know...

Before I knew you like I do now.. © Aill rights reserves to Ailish Wilmont 208 Since I was a little girl I have been a lover of books and stories. You may ask what the difference is between a book and a story but a book is already written whereas with a story you have the freedom to let your imagination run wild and there is no path to follow. I had written my own book in my head about how my life was going to be but instead it has become a story. One of my, if not my favorite book of all time is the classic Alice in Wonderland written by Lewis Carroll. The reason I am bringing this book into my second blog post is because it is possibly one of the best ways I can describe the last 3 and half years of my life. It has felt like I have fallen down a rabbit hole and gotten myself into situations which seem so dark I would never escape. Although in the end I am destined to wake up. Throughout the last few years I have done things, said things, hurt people and felt emotio...