Do Not Be Afraid

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© All tights reserved to Ailish Wilmont 2018
I have been debating about this post for a while now but due to the experience I am having at this time in my life I feel like I want to to reach half a person not even a full one because I know what it’s like to not be your whole self.

And ask you all a question do we really understand mental health better in our society?

Today people say that we are more aware of mental health and it’s talked about more in society on social media but really the only elements of mental health I see are references to minor depression or anxiety – everyone will have an element of this some worse than others and that’s okay, but there are so many other things that I want to be talked about as normal and not referred to in a derogatory manor, because in to many cases it becomes too late. It’s a matter of life and death.

I have a range of severe mental health problems. I have done for the past 12 years. I’ve tried to get on with it on my own, unfortunately my mental health has deteriorated, taken over me and my body and now I suffer from a mental health issues.

I had no choice but to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Because I tried to take my own life. This isn’t something I’m ashamed of because this is who I am. Fortunately I am now starting to realise that I have a lot to live for and I have the most supportive husband and family. Two beautiful children and the woman I have bonded with hospital are literally the most amazing people I have ever met and we will be friends for life.

Unfortunately sometimes your illness will take over and you are not you anymore. That’s okay. You can do this.

Due to suffering from psychosis I see things and I hear things which you cannot – is this talked about in our society in a normal manor? I think we all know the answer to that.

It has taken me a long time to get the courage to admit to a small selection of people what’s happening to me and I was scared to do so because I know people will think I’ve lost the plot. To date the few people that do know the first reaction I see in their face is fear, followed by shock, followed by oh fuck I need to say something helpful now.

But as I’ve said I am now not ashamed.

Because nobody talks about these kind of issues and there is a lack of education – which leads to ignorance and fear. People have a tendency step away from someone with a severe mental health problem but if a person had a physical health issue, it doesn’t change the opinion you have of that person. But telling them you hear voices and see things does. Why?

Here’s some examples of what has been said to me;
Why did you give yourself that?
Wise up
Do you know what’s making you unhappy?
Why would you be so selfish?
What have you got to be sad about?
How did you get that?

Would you ask somebody with a physical illness why did you give yourself that illness?
Like as if I woke up one morning and said, today I’m going to give myself a mental illness?

We don’t talk about these kinds of mental health issues enough in society.

There are different levels of mental health issues and some will be worse than others just as it would with any physical illness. But I’m still me. I’m still the same Mum the same wife the same daughter and the same friend. I’m sick and I’ll get better. Just as if my appendix burst or if I broke a bone. I’ll eventually recover.

I haven’t lost the plot as many of you may think and I and many others have an illness which I’m currently trying to recover from and am now making progress but still having set backs.

I entered that ward not in my own body and certainly not in my own mind and I’m going to come out of it in my own body and with one serious set of balls because unfortunately and I’m not going to go into detail but there are a lot of great things in the psychiatric system but there are a serious amount of flaws.

Ailish x